A little bit on Omar

I've been asked to write about my brother many times. There are many reasons why I don't want to. The main one being I cannot put into words what I feel when I see my brother go through his daily struggles.

Many people complaint when something hurts and they question God why they hurt. We tend to overlook at things and put a lot more value on things than they need. For instance, we may cry over the love of our life walking away inexplicably. I'm guilty of having done this myself. After days of sobbing and walking around as a zombie, my brother Omar said to me: "I walk around with a backpack that contains "jet fuel" so that my heart can keep beating and you are crying over an idiot? You can walk just fine, your organs work on their own, you are beautiful, smart.... what the hell is wrong with you? So he left! Get over it and get on with your life" OUCH! Talk about tough love. I felt embarrassed not because I'm not supposed to cry over a "man", but because my brother was right. 

I used to overlook being able to pee, being able to walk, shower, opening a bottle of soda, going upstairs, and being outside. I used to overlook these things because they seem silly, until you are no longer able to do them. 

How do you even explain how you feel when you go to bed shaking from the amounts of pain you are in? Or how you feel when you feel powerless as the one you love is shaking from the amounts of pain he's in and there is NOTHING you can do. Morphine? check! Pain reliever patch? check! Fix pillows? check! check! check! You've done everything you can, yet you've done nothing. 

People ask me: "how's your brother?" I usually always answer: "stable" For those of you that don't know what stable means... it simply means there is really NOTHING more we can do. He's not in the hospital and we're kinda managing. 

It's hard to see your loved ones suffer. It's sad to wake up every morning to the sound of him throwing up and gasping for air or watching him freak out because his mobility decreases day by day. 

I tell you one thing though... my brother has fought a hell of a fight and I could not be prouder of all he's accomplished in his life. He's got a great ear for music, a great hand for art. My brother Omar has come back from the dead a few times and has seen and gone through things I couldn't put on paper. I am so proud to call him my brother and he's the strongest person I know.